Holy shit, I like pie!



*sigh*

Hey ya’ll-

Sorry I haven’t blogged in awhile. We’ve been dealing with some stuff around here right before my grandma went home. She landed in the emergency room on Sunday afternoon after we thought she was having a stroke. Thankfully, it wasn’t a stroke, but she still isn’t doing well; She’s having major circulation issues that are causing her a great deal of pain. Add to this the stress of putting her on a plane, having to shuttle kids off to orthodontist appointments, GI appointments, soccer, and you have one tired mama.

Plus, I’ve been feeling really negative lately. I don’t know what’s going on, but at times I’ve felt like quitting. I don’t miss being as big as I was, truly I don’t. But, I miss my old friends….
Big Macs, Chick Fil A Sandwiches, pizza, french fries, sundaes…I miss them so much. They’ve always been there for me when I’ve been sad, angry, happy. I have fallen into a really dangerous pattern of pretty much not following WW and trying to track things in my head as the day goes on. Ya’ll, this does NOT work. As the days go by, and the weigh ins become more disappointing, I find myself getting angry. Angry and sad that this is not going as well as it was previously.

Let’s be honest though; WW doesn’t work if you’re not willing to work. And, while abuela has been here, I’ve eaten my share of gorditas, tamales, and other delicacies that probably should’ve NEVER been ingested. I feel angry that I’ve lost three good weeks feeling so out of control when the solution has been right in front of me. Go to meetings, participate, ASK FOR HELP.

I keep trying to remember what the highs felt like…”nothing tastes as good as being thin feels” I mean, seriously, I’m no size 4, but I have lost two sizes and things look SO much better on me now. I feel much more energetic, I can take the stairs at work two at a time (in heels, no less!!) and I have been proud of what I’ve managed to accomplish in such a short time. I have to get back on track…I HAVE to do better. Too many people are counting on me to get healthy and stay that way.

I guess this post has been sort of a vent. I am angry and disappointed in myself, but I’m taking small steps to correct it. I’ve been writing everything I eat in my food journal this week…that’s half the battle there. I’m trying to make better choices again when it comes to food. I need to get past that part that says, “if I only eat five french fries, I don’t have to count them, right?” Oh yes, you do!!

I also need to stop dreaming about the foods I don’t want to eat anymore. Seriously, food has started to become like porn to me. I dream about it at night, I fantasize about it during the day, and I know this behavior is self destructive and SO counter productive to everything I’ve worked so hard to get to.

Keep me in your thoughts this week, ya’ll. I need some positive vibes to get myself back on the proverbial wagon.

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Comments

  1. * Steve Stewart says:

    I recommend you make porn your porn 🙂 It’s so much funner…for me.

    I know it’s been tough, Angel, but I am so proud of what you have accomplished. You’ve come so far and to give up now would just be silly. You will get to 220…you will get below 200. You just have to work for it, and be patient, and it will come.

    I know this. I truly believe this…I have to believe it, or I’d have to quit, too.

    In 32ish years of life NOTHING, NOBODY, no force I’ve encountered has ever been able to make me stick to a truly “Weight-loss-friendly” lifestyle. I’ve started, and then, usually less than a week later, I’ve stopped. Nothing made me stick to it. Not my dad offering me a car if I lost enough weight. Not the kids at school making me hate myself for being fat. Not even being to fat to fit on Batman at Six Flags. I just didn’t care enough to give up my sweets and fried foods and my wild abandon.

    You are the only person that made me care. You are the only person that made me try. Only through your enthusiasm, and your example, have I been able to stick to this for more than 2 months. Only my desire to grow old with you, and to be a healthy dad who can keep up with his kids, ONLY that has made me able to stick to something that for years and years, I was unable to do.

    And if you quit, what hope is there for me? If we start having big bags of oreos, and start going back to places like Johnny Rockets, It’ll be so much harder. And I just won’t want to do it anymore…because I’m not doing this for me. I’m doing it for US. And that’s why I need you to stay with it. Not for you, not for me, but for US.

    I say you use your “one free weigh in” tomorrow, we get back on the program like we’re supposed to be, and we give WW a chance to work, again. It’s not fair for us to not follow the rules, then claim it’s not working anymore. This has to be so much more than weekly meetings, and weekly weigh-ins. It has to be a way of life.

    It’s OK to slip and fall. It’s ok to fall on your face and bust your lip open and bleed all over the ground and lose a few teeth. It’s not ok to stop walking because the falling hurts too much…it’s not OK to quit.

    And you won’t quit…I know this because I know you. You’ve gotten through SO much in your life. You’ve faced adversity, you’ve faced your fears, you’ve faced loss…and you’ve always won. You’ve always proven what a strong and capable woman you truly are.

    Surely you’re not gonna let a big mac and a sundae change THAT?

    I love you more than you can ever know…And we have to stay healthy, because we need to stay together.

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 9 months ago
  2. * Julie says:

    The thing about WW it works if you work it. When you start to not write down what you are eating you lose track and its hard. I am sorry you have fallen off track, don’t be so hard on yourself. You are human. No one says you need to lose the weight fast……….. Its good to see you want to get back on track. Guess what so do I, I am not doing WW, but you know I haven’t been eating very well lately. I find I eat to try to make myself feel better but guess what it never works, yet I do it again and again. Anyway, hang in there. You are doing great.

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 9 months ago


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